Always Have Faith

I woke up this morning super stressed about something and not sure how I was going to make it work. I decided to listen to KLOVE this morning, which is super unusual for me because I don't listen to the radio. Like hardly ever. The closer I got to the babysitters house the more static there was on the station. Which is also super unusual. I've never had static issues with this station before. I started scanning through the stations and found another christian station talking about the exact issue that I was concerned with. I knew it was God telling me that everything would work out and not to stress.

Everything worked out. I'm not stressed. I'm going to trust in Him more.

Sick Baby Girl, Tired Mommy and Daddy

So Calyn woke up during the night throwing up. Again. She first started doing this around 18 months old and it happened about 4-5 times over the next year and then it had stopped until this past May where she woke up throwing up again. Her doctor thinks it's reflux, but we haven't been able to prevent it from happening. I haven't noticed any patterns or anything that is consistently causing this. 

Last night she woke up around 10:30 and of course it was the one night I had actually gone to bed at 9:30 and was actually going to get some rest. I should have known better. This time she only threw up about 3-4 times. Usually it's for at least 3-4 hours and every 15-30 minutes. We had some zofran that the doctor prescribed in May and I think that's what helped her to stop as quickly as she did. I of course didn't fall back asleep until after 1:00am and I kept her home today just in case it is some type of bug. I hate seeing her like that and I wish there was something that I could do to make it stop. 

Well I'm tired and I think I need a nap.

High or Low Ponytail??

So this morning started off perfectly. There's no sarcasm there. Like it for real started off pretty good. Michele didn't wake up until I went in to get her. I have her her bottle (which she now holds on her own) after I changed her and she took it without any problems. Calyn woke up faily easily and let me dress her without any issues. Axl went outside and came right back in. 

It wasn't until after I got dressed and told Calyn it was time to brush her hair and teeth. We went from being 10 minutes early to 10 minutes late. She flat out refused to brush her teeth and I then had to bear hug her with one arm and forcefully brush her teeth with the other. Of course she screamed the entire time which just made a mess and then I had to clean up the mess. When we were done with that it was time to fix her hair. She cooperated fairly well for this...until I was finished. She then threw her self on the ground kicking and screaming that that's not where she wanted her ponytail. She wanted it in the back. Wait. What?? "Calyn, your ponytail is in the back, baby." "NOOOO it's not!!" "Calyn, where do you want your ponytail then??" "I want it in the back!!!!!" Oh gosh. This isn't going how I planned. "Calyn, show mommy where you want me to put your ponytail." *Points to the back of her neck.* "You want a low ponytail?? Is that what you're trying to say?" "Yessss! That's what I said!" "Ok. Ok. I'll put it in a low ponytail, child. Chill out." *Move ponytail down an inch.* *Child skips away happy as could be.*

Seriously?? All of that over your hair moving an inch??

Girl Dinosaur Birthday Party

I'm just going to start off by saying that the party was a success!!! The kids had a blast and we got them all sugared up and then sent them home!

I had this shirt made for Calyn!

Cody was up until almost midnight Friday night working on this Tricera-Toss for the party!

Of course we had to have this ginormous pinata that we found at Walmart!

There's nothing quite like beating the crap out of something with a bat!

I'd say that the kiddos loved it!

We put up these really cool dinosaur posters that my sister had bought for Calyn months ago.

Veggies for the Herbivores!

Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for the carnivores!

"Prehistoric Dirt" cups, chocolate pudding layered with crushed oreos, with little plastic dinosaurs in each cup!

This AH-Mazing cake that we had done with her favorite dinosaur on it, a parasaurolophus! The cake was done at a local bakery, Champagne's Bakery. I HIGHLY recommend them! The cake flavor was Pink Cookie, which is a flavor that if you're from around here you definitely know what that is. If you don't know what it is, then look up this bakery in Henderson, LA and get some shipped to your house and prepare to fall in love! Or just go by the bakery if you're local and pick some up! 

Some more AH-Mazing sweets were these super cute and ridiculously delicious sugar cookies!!! Macie, thank you so much! They were soooo good and the kids absolutely loved them!!!

Red and green grapes as "Dino Eggs"

Pretzel sticks as the "Dino Bones"

"Lava Punch"
Don't ask me what the recipe is because I have no idea. I forgot to write the recipe down and I was just mixing things up in the bowl as people were walking in. It was damn good though. It for sure had orange sherbet and frozen raspberries and pineapples.

"Swamp Water" which was just water with frozen raspberries and frozen pineapples and a squeeze of lemon juice.

I made a little hat for T-Rex out of some construction paper. I made little hats for some of the other dinosaurs too, but the kids started playing with them before I could get a picture :-)

Picked up these little visors at Hobby Lobby and some foam stickers and gave each of the kids one.

This is one of my favorites from the party. I found this on the internet and printed it on some card stock. My baby girl loves her some dinosaurs. These were all her answers without any coaching from us. I wrote down exactly what she said. I definitely plan to do one of these every year for her!

She got a few different outfits as gifts and we were trying them on after everyone left. We never made it past this super cute dinosaur dress that her Godmother/Nanny made for her! She was in love with it!!

We had an amazing time putting this party together. I want to thank my in-laws for all of their help!!! The kids had a blast! Baby girl had a blast! Thank you everyone for coming and I'm definitely not looking forward to doing this all again in a few months for Michele's birthday!!!!!

Time to Stop the Drama and Do What Calyn Says

So, I realized that I've been super dramatic lately with how tired I am and how hard it is to be a mom. Well Calyn said it best last night:

"Have a break, have a kit-kat!"

I guess Mommy is in need of some chocolate therapy!!

They're Worth It

I struggle every morning to get out of bed when my alarm goes off. I'm so not a morning person. This is why I don't wear makeup. Not because I think I look good without it, but because I just don't have time for it I'd rather sleep! My mornings are hectic and then I spend a full day at work which is always interesting and then I get home and it's the morning routine in reverse! Most days I feel like a failure and like I can't keep doing this. It's a lot of work and there's nothing easy about trying to make a tiny human happy all the time. So I go for at least 70% of the time. That sounds like a good number. Michele is easy. Just feed her when she's hungry and change her when she needs to be changed and that's about it. Calyn on the other hand. Yea, not so easy. Dinosaurs and trolls can usually do the trick, but I can't take Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick anymore. Their voices are like nails on a chalkboard for me. "No troll left behind!" Well I say leave them all in Bergentown for the Bergens to munch on when they need a little pick me up! No more trolls!!! And as for the dinosaurs!! We're having her half birthday party this Saturday and it's dinosaur themed. I am so done with dinosaurs too. I have learned more about dinosaurs in the last month than I ever thought I would learn in my entire life!!!

I need to give my child new hobbies. I'm looking forward to school starting and her getting some new interests because my girl just doesn't have a very broad outlook on things. She's pretty sheltered. Let's get some Disney in our lives. A little Lion King or what about Mulan?? That's a good powerful girl movie. She can do anything the boys can do and with boobs!! You go girl! I'll even take some more Paw Patrol. I miss Marshall and his clumsy self. What about Shimmer and Shine?? Boom Zaramay (sp?)! I could always bring her outside, but as previously stated this momma just doesn't have enough hours in the day. Maybe on the weekends, but that's cutting into some of my rest time and I need that beauty sleep if I'm not going to wear makeup. 

I started this talking about how hectic my days are and how overwhelming they can be. I'm usually stressed out to the max and have no more room left on my bullshit meter by the end of the day. But when Calyn can walk up to me and say "Mommy?" "What now, Calyn??" "I just love you." **Begin melting heart** "I love you too baby." "Can I have a popcicle for supper?? I'm soooo hungry." "If you're hungry, then a popcicle isn't going to do it for you." "Nooooooo!!! All I want is a popcicle!!!!!" **We had a nice little brief moment there...**

At the end of the day all that matters are those 2 little humans. I just want them to be happy and healthy and safe. Even though they drive me up the wall 99% of the time and it's so not going to get better from here.

I Just Want Someone to Understand

I've posted before about being tired and how I don't sleep well the majority of the time. At least 5 nights out of the week I lay awake listening to my husband snoring and trying to figure out why I can't turn my mind off. I'm always listening for the girls or making lists in my head of what needs to be done at home or at work. I'm always trying to remember if I turned the dishwasher on or if all of our clothes are washed and dried and ready to go for the next day. No offense to my husband, but my mind doesn't turn off because I worry about all of these things so that he doesn't have to.

He doesn't have to worry about packing lunches or washing clothes. He doesn't have to worry about paying the babysitter or making sure that we have formula and diapers. He doesn't worry about what cleaning supplies are needed or making sure that Calyn has the proper snacks. He doesn't have to make sure that everyone's clothes are clean and put away. He doesn't have to make sure that his alarm is set early enough that he gets up before everyone else so that he has time to get everyone out the door. He wakes up 10 minutes before he has to leave. I have to wake up an hour to an hour and a half before I have to leave. He doesn't have to worry about changing diapers or making sure the house is not a death trap for a baby. Or even for a toddler because we all know that they can get into things that you would never have thought possible. He doesn't have to worry about making sure the floors are vacuumed often enough to make sure the dog fur doesn't accumulate. He doesn't have to worry about if he's making sure that Calyn doesn't feel pushed aside because the baby requires more of your attention when it's just the three of you. 

I love my husband more than he can possible understand, but he doesn't know what I have to worry about. And to be fair, I probably don't know everything that he has to worry about either, but sometimes I just want to feel like someone understands what I'm going through. I want to feel like someone appreciates everything that I do for my family. I don't want to hear that I sit behind a desk all day so I can't possibly understand what it's like to be tired. I know what tired is. I know what exhausted is. I know what feeling like a failure is on a daily basis because I gave my child the potato chips that she wanted for supper because I just wanted her to go to bed with something in her stomach. I know what it's like to feel underaccomplished because I couldn't manage to possibly wash clothes, cook supper, feed the baby, dry clothes, wash dishes, fold clothes, feed the toddler, bathe the baby, put the clothes away, put the dishes away, bathe the toddler, exercise, lay out clothes for the next day, and actually get some sleep. These are all things that NEED to be done daily. This doesn't even include other basic household chores such as tending to the dog, picking up toys, emptying the trash, and bathing myself. On top of spending 8 hours at my own job. This all needs to be done from 5:30pm-10:00pm because I get off of work at 4:30 and then have to pick up Michele from one sitter and Calyn from another and I don't even get home until at least 5:30 sometimes later. And I'm the only one who does these things. My husband works a 12 and 2 job where he works for 12 days and is off for 2. That's right, he only gets 2 days off and it's 12 plus hour days. I know he's tired. I know he can't possibly come home in the evenings and be expected to do any of this stuff. I just want him to understand that he's not the only one who's tired. He's not the only one who needs a nap. 

He's not the only one.

I just want someone to understand. 

I'm tired too. 

I need breaks too. 

But I'm a mom. And this is just part of my job. I totally get that. Like I said, I do these things so that he doesn't have to. Sometimes I want that pat on the back though or at least some type of thank you. Something to make me feel not so much like a failure. I just want my family to be happy and healthy. I would sacrifice sleep everyday if I could guarantee that for them. Moms don't get to take a day off no matter how bad they want to!!!

Michele's Story

I talked about Calyn's birth story so I guess I can go ahead and tell you about Michele's. 

My due date was November 26, 2016 and I had a c-section scheduled for November 23, 2016. Well, my section was originally scheduled for the 18th but my dr was going out of town and they decided to reschedule. I wasn't too happy about it.m, but there wasn't anything I could do. 

Once again I was having a lot of Braxton hicks contractions towards the end of the pregnancy. This pregnancy was soooo much easier than Calyn's. I never got sick or really dealt with any pregnancy symptoms until the last couple weeks. I only had issues with my back which I have back issues anyway and the pregnancy just made it worse. 

On November 17th I was at work and right around noon I started to feel a little off. Almost as if I was coming down with something. A little feverish with some aches and chills. I had a heater in my office and had it in full blast and I was sitting right in front of it. I work at a jail and we have some nurses on staff so I called on of the nurses and asked if she could take my temperature. She came and it was at 98.4. I was feeling worse and worse and still had no actual fever. One of my supervisors came in and told me that I should go home and the nurse suggested that I call my dr. 

I tried to get in touch with Cody and couldn't get a hole of him. I called my dr and they suggested that I go to the clinic to get tested for the flu and strep. I still couldn't get a hold of Cody so I left work around 2 and drove myself to the clinic where my mom met me. I sent a text to Cody's supervisor and told him what was going on and asked if he could let Cody know. Right as I was driving up to the clinic Cody called and I filled him in and he said he would meet us there. 

They tested me for the flu and strep and both came back negative. They told me that I needed to go to the hospital because they thought it could be labor. Especially since I developed a fever during Calyn's labor. I got to the hospital and they checked me and I wasn't dilated but I was having contractions. They were pretty far apart but they hurt pretty bad. They were completely different from Calyn's. These were super sharp pains and they went into my back. They checked me for the flu again and again it was negative. They decided to keep me overnight for observation and put me on Tamiflu. They kept saying that they thought it was the flu and we kept telling them that we thought it was labor. They said that even if it was labor that it was so early that they weren't worried about it. 

Cody wasn't too happy about this, but again there wasn't anything that we could do. They put me in a room around 9 and decided to give me an ambien to help me sleep because I was in a lot of pain. Also, by this point I had actually developed a fever. I think it was just over 100. They gave me the ambien around 9 and we passed out. At 11 a whole team of people came into my room and said that they were taking me in to surgery because the baby was in distress. Every time I had a contraction her heart rate would drop and they still couldn't get my fever to go away. I was so out of it that I barely remember much. They had Cody sign all the paperwork because I wasn't in any condition to sign any releases. 

My sister made it to the hospital about 15 minutes before they started the surgery. Michele Elise was born on November 18, 2016 at 1:07am weighing 6lbs 12oz and 19 3/4" long. I don't remember anything except being woken up and holding my sisters hand in the OR. So even if I would have tried for a VBAC I wouldn't have been able to have one. 

I've come to the conclusion that I just have fevers during my labors. 

Michele Elise

I realized the other day that I hardly ever talk about Michele and most things seem to be about Calyn. I don't do this on purpose at all. I love both my girls the same. BUT...

Michele is just so boring right now!! She's almost 8 months old and is super freaking cute, but she just babbles and eats and sleeps and poops. And, well, that's about it. Calyn on the other hand is always doing and saying something funny or driving me up the wall that I just have to tell everyone about it. 

Do you think I'm setting Michele up for some major issues when she's older? Maybe I should put some money aside for therapy sessions...

Knight Strong

This is my brother-in-law, Heath. Today is a year since he passed away. He lost a 10 month battle with cancer. He was only 42 years old. It was his second time battling cancer and it hit me pretty hard. The first time he was diagnosed, he was 24 years old. He battled with Hodgkin's Disease which is a form of lymphoma. He went through chemo and radiation and was finally put into remission. 

Every year when it was time for his scans and checkups you just knew. He was very anxious and was on edge. He always knew that it would come back. The doctors had told him that he had about 25 years. He made it to 17. His second round was adenocarcinoma of the stomach and it was stage IV.

He and my sister were best friends since they were 9 years old. My sister is 13 years older than me. So, basically Heath has been a part of my family longer than I have. That's what I try to tell people. He's not just my sister's husband. He's more like a brother, a best friend. I was always closer to him than I was to my sister. He was my person that I would call when I needed advice or I just needed that kick in the ass. He had no problem giving anyone a kick in the ass. 

No one could ever accuse Heath of being a hypocrite. He told you what he was thinking and didn't care whether you liked it or not. It was one of those things that you loved it when it was pointed at someone else because he was saying what everyone else was thinking, but the second it was directed at you then all of a sudden he was the biggest asshole you ever met. How do I know this? Well I was put in that position more than once. But you couldn't help but love him. He was so full of life and impacted so many people. He left behind a wife and 2 boys. My nephews were his world. He was such an amazing father. He did everything in his power to give them the world and to teach them everything they would need to know.

Exactly a week after he found out that his diagnosis was terminal he went to the funeral home and made all of his arrangements. He made his picture slideshow for the funeral and every other arrangement that you could think of. He didn't want my sister to have to deal with all of that later on, so he did it for her. I could sit here all day and tell you what an amazing man he was.

Heath, I miss you more than you could possibly begin to understand. I don't know why God decided that he needed you more than we did, but I know he gain one amazing angel. 

Ecclesiastes 7:3
Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

LYLAB Always.
#KnightStrong

Sloppy Joe Casserole

This is a HUGE hit at my house! Cody and Calyn absolutely love this recipe. It's super easy to make and is freaking delicious!

Sloppy Joe Casserole
Ingredients
1 can Pillsbury Original Crescent Rolls
1 can Pillsbury Big & Buttery Crescent Rolls
2T Butter
2t Minced Garlic
2lbs Ground Meat (We use turkey, but have also used beef)
2 cans Manwich 
1c Shredded Cheese (We use the fiesta blend, but have tried several different kinds and they all taste amazing)
2t Dried Parsley

Instructions
1. Preheat oven to 375
2. Brown ground meat and drain
3. Grease a 9x13 casserole dish and lay the original crescent rolls in the bottom. Don't tear the wedges off. Leave the sheet all intact. 
4. Melt the butter in the microwave and mix the dried parsley and minced garlic with it.
5. Add the 2 cans of Manwich to the ground meat and mix well.
6. Pour the meat mixture on top of the dough.
7. Spread the cheese evenly over the meat mixture.
8. Unroll the big & buttery sheet of crescent rolls on top of the cheese and brush with the butter mixture.
9. Bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes or until the dough is cooked all the way through.
Enjoy!!!

My mother-in-law took this picture. I couldn't find mine :)

Not Today, Baby Girl

So, you know how toddlers tend to be the most awesome sauce little people in the world??? Especially early in the morning. When you're running late. Yep. Most awesome people to deal with. So, apparently Calyn is a lot like me and does not like to be woken up in the morning. She tends to be a TAD cranky. Just a tad. Like to the point of major screaming fits and refusing to do ANYTHING. When she wakes up on her own she's an angel. 

Well, this morning was one of those mornings that I had 15 minutes to wake her up, get her dressed, brush her teeth, fix her hair, feed her breakfast, and get out the door. Yesterday I woke her up at 6:15 and we left the house for 7:10. That was almost an entire hour that I let her get her crankiness out. This morning we didn't have that luxury. It started with the screaming that she wasn't getting out of bed. Then I decided to dress her while she was still laying down because she's easier to maneuver that way. FYI it's not that easy. 

Then it was teeth time. Always my favorite time of the morning. On the weekends and in the evenings we have no issues at all with brushing teeth. Weekday mornings?? It's a battle of wills and wits. I have to bear hug her with one arm and forcefully shove the toothbrush in her mouth without actually hurting her even though some days I wouldn't feel all that bad if I did. Weekday mornings my child doesn't have the freshest of breath. Sorry. You shouldn't be that close to her anyway for it to really bother you. Just keep your distance. 


By the time I'm done brushing her teeth I'm winded and sweating. I feel like I've just gotten through doing sprints. She looks like she just watched a super sappy, gut-wrenching, cry-it-out movie. There's tears and snot and it's just not a pretty sight. She went to bed with her hair still in a ponytail and I wasn't about to attempt to tackle that one this morning. She go an Eggo waffle for breakfast because I had no energy for anything else. Michele just sort of sat there staring at us and I think she had this look on her face of "Just wait, Mom. It's almost my turn."

Most of the time Calyn is the type that you have to mentally battle with her. It's always a battle of wills and you have to figure out a way to convince her that your idea is the right one. Trust me I've tried the whole brute force thing and just making her do what I want her to do. It doesn't work that way with this one. She would spend most of her waking moments in timeout. Dealing with her is mentally exhausting. Usually when I have the time in the mornings is when I take that approach. I didn't have the time this morning. I don't want to have to have the time. Mommy gets tired of this. I go to work so that I can get a break. I get to relax more at work than I do with that girl. Michele is the easy one right now. She doesn't have a say so in anything. I always thought that I would never let my kids have this much power over me and you may be thinking that I'm crazy for playing this game with her, but this child is intense. She's smart and knows how to bring you to your knees!!! She will break you before you break her. 

Things I Said I'd Never Do

I knew it all. I was going to have perfect little well behaved kids and be a kick ass mom. I had a plan. It was going to be epic.

Then I became a mom. It's still been epic, but no where near what I thought.

1. Listen to children's music-I was adamant that my kids would listen to the radio with me and whatever music I listened to is what they would listen to. Ol McDonald drove me up the damn wall and now it's Trolls!! Omg Trolls. Such a cute movie. Like I really enjoyed it, but Calyn has ruined it for me. "Can't stop the feelin'!!!"

2. Use the word potty-I have always hated that word!! I don't know why I hate it, but I do. I still hate it, yet I use it daily. "Do you need to potty??" "Go potty before we leave." Mommy needs to go potty."

3. Let my kids drink soda-My girl gets her coke fix on a regular basis. I was going to be a water and milk mom only. Sugary juices??? Uh uh not happening. She was going to get all the healthy stuff that mommy would give her. Mommy gives her juice and soda. That's what my girl wants, that's what she gets.

4. Buy my kids Happy Meals-When we pass near McDonald's Calyn says, "Look, Mommy, it's happy meal street!" I was going to cook up nutritious, healthy meals for my family and we would all sit at the dining table and have nice family dinners. Now it's drive thrus and eating out of the car, but again my girl is happy. My husband even texted me one day and said, "The eldest of offspring desires a meal of happiness." I laughed out loud and people looked at me and then I went to the drive thru and got her one.

5. Use the TV as a babysitter-Since day 1 Calyn has been glued to the TV. She started off loving "The Rifleman." I don't know if it's the guns or the horses or what. Then it was anything Nick Jr. and boy did she learn a lot from that. I was at least adamant that she wouldn't watch things like Sponge Bob. Nick Jr. was at least educational. Now it's things like Trolls. Anyone else sick and tired of "Hair Up??"

6. Spank my kids-Oh the many many thoughts and fantasies I've had on this one. Does she get a good pop when she does something like pinch the dog and it scares the crap out of me that he'll bite her (even though she has done everything possible to provoke him and he just calmly walks away)? Hell yeah she gets a pop. But I'm talking those fantasies of just giving her a good drop kick when she's throwing on of those tantrums in the middle of the grocery store because she wanted the plain regular Goldfish, not the Flavor Blasted!!!!!!!!!! Yeah I've had those fantasies.

7. Bribe my kids-I couldn't understand for the life of me why parents couldn't just control their children. My would never act like that!!! I would bust their ass. They would be respectful. Next thing I knew it was all come here baby and mommy will give you some chocolate! Mmm want a Happy Meal?? How about some Coke??

8. Give in to my kids-I would not give in to them once I put my foot down about something. That's how they turn out to be little shits and think they can get their way all the time. That's lasted until she got mobile. It went all to hell from there.

9. Formula feed-I attempted to breast feed both of my girls. With Calyn I lasted until I got home from the hospital. So what, a whole 3 days?? Michele I made it with her actually getting it from the tap till I got home and then I started exclusively pumping and that lasted for about 2 weeks. That shit hurts! I was determined that kids would get only the best and that was mommy's yummy breast milk. Uh uh. No thanks. 

Free Night!!!

When we went to leave the in-laws yesterday they offered to keep the girls for us overnight and we got to stay up late and sleep in (I was up at 8:00 anyway) and it's been a super peaceful and totally boring day. I'm looking forward to going get my little monsters. 

I'm one of those people who won't drink when the kids are around because what if something happens and I have to drive them to the hospital and I can't drive because I've been drinking and now I have to call an ambulance and I can't afford to pay for an ambulance so now I'm going to have bad credit!!!! That's the kind of thoughts that I have. I can't be the only one! Anyway, I had a couple glasses of wine last night and o.m.g. it was was sooo good. I need to make room for more wine nights.

I was about to go to the gym earlier and then I was like wait I can go to the gym when the girls are here. Let me go grocery shopping!!!! Kid-free grocery shopping is the best thing ever!! It was kid-free and husband-free. Yayy!!!!

I thought about cleaning and decluttering, but as soon as the girls walk in the door everything is going back to the clutter filled zone so I said screw it. Again, I can't be the only one???