I've posted before about being tired and how I don't sleep well the majority of the time. At least 5 nights out of the week I lay awake listening to my husband snoring and trying to figure out why I can't turn my mind off. I'm always listening for the girls or making lists in my head of what needs to be done at home or at work. I'm always trying to remember if I turned the dishwasher on or if all of our clothes are washed and dried and ready to go for the next day. No offense to my husband, but my mind doesn't turn off because I worry about all of these things so that he doesn't have to.
He doesn't have to worry about packing lunches or washing clothes. He doesn't have to worry about paying the babysitter or making sure that we have formula and diapers. He doesn't worry about what cleaning supplies are needed or making sure that Calyn has the proper snacks. He doesn't have to make sure that everyone's clothes are clean and put away. He doesn't have to make sure that his alarm is set early enough that he gets up before everyone else so that he has time to get everyone out the door. He wakes up 10 minutes before he has to leave. I have to wake up an hour to an hour and a half before I have to leave. He doesn't have to worry about changing diapers or making sure the house is not a death trap for a baby. Or even for a toddler because we all know that they can get into things that you would never have thought possible. He doesn't have to worry about making sure the floors are vacuumed often enough to make sure the dog fur doesn't accumulate. He doesn't have to worry about if he's making sure that Calyn doesn't feel pushed aside because the baby requires more of your attention when it's just the three of you.
I love my husband more than he can possible understand, but he doesn't know what I have to worry about. And to be fair, I probably don't know everything that he has to worry about either, but sometimes I just want to feel like someone understands what I'm going through. I want to feel like someone appreciates everything that I do for my family. I don't want to hear that I sit behind a desk all day so I can't possibly understand what it's like to be tired. I know what tired is. I know what exhausted is. I know what feeling like a failure is on a daily basis because I gave my child the potato chips that she wanted for supper because I just wanted her to go to bed with something in her stomach. I know what it's like to feel underaccomplished because I couldn't manage to possibly wash clothes, cook supper, feed the baby, dry clothes, wash dishes, fold clothes, feed the toddler, bathe the baby, put the clothes away, put the dishes away, bathe the toddler, exercise, lay out clothes for the next day, and actually get some sleep. These are all things that NEED to be done daily. This doesn't even include other basic household chores such as tending to the dog, picking up toys, emptying the trash, and bathing myself. On top of spending 8 hours at my own job. This all needs to be done from 5:30pm-10:00pm because I get off of work at 4:30 and then have to pick up Michele from one sitter and Calyn from another and I don't even get home until at least 5:30 sometimes later. And I'm the only one who does these things. My husband works a 12 and 2 job where he works for 12 days and is off for 2. That's right, he only gets 2 days off and it's 12 plus hour days. I know he's tired. I know he can't possibly come home in the evenings and be expected to do any of this stuff. I just want him to understand that he's not the only one who's tired. He's not the only one who needs a nap.
He's not the only one.
I just want someone to understand.
I'm tired too.
I need breaks too.
But I'm a mom. And this is just part of my job. I totally get that. Like I said, I do these things so that he doesn't have to. Sometimes I want that pat on the back though or at least some type of thank you. Something to make me feel not so much like a failure. I just want my family to be happy and healthy. I would sacrifice sleep everyday if I could guarantee that for them. Moms don't get to take a day off no matter how bad they want to!!!
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